It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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