Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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