You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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