ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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