i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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