Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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