well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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