She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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