New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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