Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
