1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
