I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
ugly people sure do ruin things
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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