there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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