I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
