I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she told me i tasted like america
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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