you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
