she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
