Its about making memories worth repressing
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
