I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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