to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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