Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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