She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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