Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
