Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
