I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
