do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
