Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
