i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Found your dick twin last night
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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