So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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