I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
