Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
