there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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