I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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