watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
two words: eviction party
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
