Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
