AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
