My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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