Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
