Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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