I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
