Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
