I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
is that a dick in a sweater?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
