Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
so much tequila, so little girl.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
