I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize