we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
