Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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