our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
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