rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i now understand why vodka
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
