Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
