honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
