i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
