When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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