Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
