No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
