Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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