The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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