you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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