I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
They took my balls.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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