drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
