yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
