I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
