dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
