Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
