Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
